the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We talked him into tasing himself.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
