I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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