she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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