She said her name was "party"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When are your genitals available?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
