spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
