The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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