3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
