Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
