your thong is hanging out like whoa
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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