If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You need Xanax blowdarts
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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