I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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