Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
