He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
