Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
