and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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