I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
