You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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