You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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