we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
