I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
