all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
