I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
