just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
