Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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