im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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