wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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