My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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