your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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