i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Houston, we have a blender
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
