He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
jump out the window naked night went bad
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