his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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