I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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