you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
