It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
