What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
