Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
