even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
