No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
