I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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