OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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