do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
