i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
