There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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