I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
