i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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