i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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