i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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