3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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