he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize
