Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
